Self Love!
By Angel Femia
Of LoveCry
What is self- love? Is it buying a new car? {one that youve wanted for years,} or getting the girl next door to marry you? Or going out to get loaded on your birthday? Or living in total comfort? Or spoiling yourself just because you can?
NONE OF THE ABOVE!!!!!!
Self -love is something that most never truly learns to do. Many believe that if one gets up in the morning, goes to work, makes big bucks, and acquires all desired, that they love themselves. Others believe that if they do what is expected of them and behave the way society wishes them to do, they love themselves. Then there are those whom have everyone traipsing after them non stop they must love themselves, because everyone else does.
NONE OF THIS IS TRUE EITHER!!!!!!
Loving yourself is actually learning how to and doing all the little things that keep ones body, mind and soul working together as God intended us to do, when we were created. Not one of these or even a combination of two will do. You must care for, discipline, and feed all three of these human features.
Body
Our bodies need food, water, air, shelter, and clothing.
By food, I mean proper food with the vitamins and nutrients to keep us healthy and strong. Proper exercise and training of the body is well needed in order to love you.
Mind
We are responsible for all of our thinking. In order to work properly we must train our minds to think in an intelligent, caring, loving manner towards ourselves and all else. Educating our minds is essential, as we need to know much to get ourselves through life. Watching what we put into our minds is most important as what ever we put in there, also has to come out.
Soul
We cannot see our souls, but they are most defiantly inside us all. We feed our souls through contact with our creator, loved ones {giving and taking of love}, and feeding our minds with wisdom, love and understanding of whom we are and what our purpose is on this earth, through our connection to the great force that created us all.
In order to love ourselves we must realise what is and is not good for us and only partake in what will be the most beneficial. Learning to pull back from temptation in this world dose us better then eating that five pounds of chocolate cake we were just handed.
We must, get to know who we truly are. Next we must love this person, inside of ourselves in totality, {good and bad, positive and negative}. Learn how all of this works and use it for the greater good. It is imperative that we care for and respect ourselves as well as all else. It is our responsibility to keep our bodies and minds healthy, and functioning properly. We must learn to listen to ourselves, and the warning signals our body gives to make sure we are not hurting ourselves.
For Example:
If we care for all of ourselves properly, but we ignore the pain within our emotional mind. we are not loving ourselves but stifling ourselves and others around us. We need to learn how our emotional mind works, discipline it and use it for bettering our lives and our world.
Finally we need to learn about our souls, the connection with the universe and our connection to all others. We need to learn to love our neighbours as ourselves, forgive others and ourselves for all mistakes made, be tolerant with others and ourselves as well as care for the same.
We must protect and care for ourselves in every way but not be overindulgent with anything. Thomas Moore, {one of our greatest writers}, wrote that we are to use all we are given on this earth but use it moderately, in balance of all else.
Should We Talk?
by Angel Femia
of LoveCry
At the age of three, I approached my mother, one morning, and tried to tell her that I had been sexually molested. As a three year old could, I described, in my own words, what my perpetrator had done to me. Of course I had no idea what sexual molestation was, therefore I was trying to tell her someone had hurt me, and what this person had done. My mother got angry with me, slapped my face, told me that it must have been a nightmare and sent me to bed for telling her such a lie. I cried for a while, brainwashed myself into believing it had only been a nightmare. I remember telling myself over and over that it was just a nightmare and it would just disappear. With this, I managed to block the entire incident out of my mind.
It was years later, after my sister had graduated from Social Work and Abuse Counseling at Ryerson, she explained to me what the experience was all about, that it was abuse and the damage it had done to me that had to be attended to. I was, by this time addicted to several different medications for many illnesses, later found due to surprising my secrets of abuse. By this time I was well into my twenties, and had made more mistakes then I care to remember, as well as having endured test after test in order to figure out why I was so ill and suicidal. It took over ten years of pushing, on my sisters part to get me to consider counseling at all. "I was just going to fix this on my own," I kept telling her and myself. This was a joke, more of my self -brainwashing and hiding behind false pride, and I found myself in major denial of how distorted my thinking truly was. How taken over by pain, anger, resentment, self hatred, negative thinking and guilt I was, and how important it was to, put away my false pride and see all of this clearly, and change it. I like many others believed I could do the imposable, without saying a word to anyone else.
The perpetrator, {I mentioned in the first paragraph} had been suspected, by the guidance councilor at his grandchildrens school, of molesting both of his grandchildren that at this time, were attending this school. He was charged and put in jail. He was not relieved of his Nitro Glycerin pills, when arrested. No one truly believed he had done it, but there was too much evidence against him not to have arrested him. He swallowed all his pills and died before they could get him to the hospital.
The moment I was told of his death, my mind began to race. Thoughts, completely out of control, flashed repeatedly through my head. The pain dragged me to the floor in terror. My block exploded. I remembered the entire incident of the molestation in vivid detail. Now, I had not at this point, been told the manner of his death. I did not show up for the funeral. To say the least, the family was angry for that move.
A few months later I received another call of death. One of the perpetrators grandchildren killed her self. She, barley thirteen years old, had been hospitalized, since our perpetrator had passed. This weekend, she was aloud to visit home and spent a weekend with her family. Of course she was sent with enough medication to get through this visit.
This child took all of her medication at once, pored lighter fluid all over the basement floor, stood in the middle of the gas soaked room, and lit the match that took her to her death. This time my sister told me the entire story. It was the first I had herd that these kids had experienced the hell I lived within, and guilt, painfully filled my head, like a knife was ripping my guts apart. My mind was stuck flashing the fact that I had not told anyone, what had happened to me, and this child, my cousin, was dead. Immediately followed with a nagging rip through my heart, telling me that if I had have told someone, my secret, she {my cousin} may be alive today. Nothing had ever been so horridly painful as that moment.
I spent the next few years in coucilling and therapy, and am a much better person for this. No longer do I suffer from the torments I had been living with. During the therapy process I found that the pain was changed into joy, the anger into strength, the resentment into forgiveness, the negative thinking into faith, the guilt into wisdom and the self-hatred into self-love. Not perfect by far, but much better then the ball of horrid energies I had been. To this day, I have a few therapists; I can and do call, whenever I feel the need.
I see and talk to many people, who have been abused, some know and some dont yet understand that there are problems due to unattended issues. Anyone that has been abused and does not get proper help for, it may some time find that they have made the same mistake as I had. Today I use my abuse issues in hopes that someone reading them will come out of denial and speak out. Talking could save your life and someone else.
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